CHAPTER 15

Now I was a student and a 'frebelichka' (a graduate of a Froebel Course). Zyama and I got excellent results on our entrance examinations and were admitted to the university, but studying there was not an easy matter. The tuition fees were high and we had to earn money. During that autumn we moved to a new flat in a house on the corner of Mariinskaya St. and Elizavetinskaya St. (now corner of Suvorova S. and Kirova St.). We had ten rooms, an enormous kitchen, a long corridor and a dining-room as large as a hall. We rented out six of the rooms as we needed money to pay our rent.

This was the picture I had on my student's card. I found it at the university after the war.

I organized a children's group at home in order to earn some money. A small room was "allotted" to me for this purpose and the year after, after Mother's death, I was given a bigger one. The children I looked after came mainly from "proletarian" families. There were many groups like mine and the children were directed to them on the basis of their "social and material status". Thus, the children I got in my group were mainly children of people active in the underground and their friends, I had no children from wealthy families…

This is the picture of the children in the first group I looked after at home. The little boy in the corner on the left is Lyonechka. He perished in the war. Filya Yankelovich is sitting in the back. He still sends me greeting cards on New Year and he still calls me "Aunt Lyuba" despite the fact that he is now 42 years' old! Our Buba Futlik is sitting next to him. The picture was made in the spring of 1935. We were building little nesting boxes.

My first year with this group of children was a difficult one as I did not have any experience. In addition, the children came from "difficult families" and were therefore difficult children to deal with. Filin'ka often cried and sobbed bitterly, bringing his head back. When we all played sitting in a circle, he used to hit other children on their heads and mutter: "I'll bang you…and you too!" I understand he was being beaten at home… Izzi Kafel was a very nervous child. Buba and Mulen'ka used to stutter. Irochka Zusman, who was only two and a half years'-old, was a doll. (She is second on the left here.)

At the end of the "school year" I took my children "to the countryside", to Yugla. Someone took a picture of us and by miracle it survived. Mulen'ka is sitting on the left. He used to stutter and was a slow developer, so they more or less gave up on him at home. After being part of the group he improved considerably. Lazik Chernobrov is on his right. I am holding Izzi Kafel on my lap. He is alive and well but I have not met him, only his mother. Alik is next and I don't know what happened to him. Lyonechka is next and Leon Zak is standing behind him. Filin'ka Yankelovich is in the bottom right spot of the picture. It was a lovely day and everyone was in a wonderful mood. A nice summer vacation was ahead…

At the end of my first year at university, in the spring of 1935, I passed an enormous number of tests: sixteen of them! It must have been some kind of a record. Studying at the university was very interesting. I could not attend the lectures because of my work with the children, so I had to manage somehow, even though attending lectures was not obligatory. I did have to attend laboratory lessons and that was hard. I managed even that as other students helped me and many of these lessons were in the afternoon after the children had been taken home.

The Summer of 1935 – the Spring of 1936

The summer started as usual. We did not move to the seaside. Tusya was already married and lived in Skrunda. During that summer I married Misha Turgel. I have already written about what happened later: Mother died late at night on the 5th of August…

After her death I felt as if I had turned into stone and lived in some sort of a surreal world. Tusya and Pavlik, her husband, came back to Riga and lived in our big apartment. Tusya kept the house. Misha, my husband, was in the army. My life was made up of the following parts: my children's group, my university studies, my illegal activities and my sad and grim thoughts…

"…A person is gone and our whole life suffers a blow. The world of the living that was full of light yesterday has been covered with darkness today… A stone, a small stone falls out from the cupola - and all of it comes crashing down! …If the person I loved is no more then I, who had loved, turn into nothing as well… Everything that lives and breathes around us suddenly turns unreal with his death…" R. Rolland "The Enchanted Soul". I found this quote from R.Rolland's novel 40 years after my Mother's death. I was rereading it in the summer of 1975.

This picture was taken in the autumn of 1935 for a new passport. I had it enlarged. … My inner self was very much like this picture: I did laugh and made jokes, but in my soul I had felt as if I shall never be able to really laugh again: I felt as if the sky had fallen right down and everything around me had collapsed…

My children's group had grown: in 1935/1936 I had 10-12 children in my care, some of them very nice and interesting. The first on the right is a funny little girl called Nita. The girl in the white blouse who wears a bow in her hair is Galya Gordon, a clever little girl who later perished. Our Buba is the first on the left and Fira is sitting next to him. She is alive and well and has an grown-up son. Next to her is Leonchik and Esya Raukhman, who is the cousin of Aunt Rasha. Esya had wonderful hair and she was a very clever and talented child. Lazik and Osya are next and after them "Sagri" (Sara and Grisha) Bukhbinder. The Bukhbinder boy was also a very nice and capable boy.

The Summer of 1936 – the Spring of 1937

During this summer we did rent a 'dacha' and lived in Dzintari, behind the railway lines, which means that it was further away from the beach. Tusya was expecting a child and her daughter Lily was born on the 3rd of August 1936. Tusya's friend from Belgium, Yivonne de Begoign, came to Riga, as she had once promised to Tusya she would whenever she, Tusya, would have a baby. Yivonne later married Abrasha Niss and became known in the family as "Lily's Yivonne".

Tusya and Yivonne spoke French to one another and I secretly decided to try and learn French. I started reading Andre Mauroi's novel "Climat" and went on to read another novel, "L;instanct de Bonheure". I began to understand French and later on, little by little, I started to speak it.

I completed my second year at university and again had to pass a record number of tests and exams. I did not work during the summer and it became a welcome break after the very difficult and grim winter.

The time went by quickly. I was very busy with all my numerous occupations and I especially enjoyed my work with the children. I received lots of good advice from a wonderful teacher, Esther L'vovna Berger, who was one of the lodgers in our apartment. She taught me not to fuss around the children, to do everything with them, not to try to talk louder than they do, but to make them listen to me.

During that year I became pregnant and this influenced my life. It gave me a certain balance and that winter turned into a transition from one state of mind into another. It seemed to me that my life was acquiring a certain direction. The winter passed and then in April 1937 Benno died…This was the second death in the family and came in such a short period of time…

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