Tusya – The Older SisterCHAPTER 3
Tusya did not spend much time with us, the smaller children. She had her own affairs to attend to. She was a good student, but not an excellent one. There were always plenty of girls and boys around her. They used to say at home that she was very kind, very straightforward and honest but rather short-tempered. When she was angry she used to express it very loudly, even to shout. When she was about 14, in Latvia, she joined the 'girl-guides' (the scout movement) together with her girlfriends, Rosa Levin and Bronya Idelzak. Rosa Levin is still alive, she is completely grey now. When she happens to meet me she always speaks of Tusya. Uncle Azya Polotsk (a friend of the family) also remembered Tusya during that period. Tusya quickly became disillusioned with the girl-guides and she used to make fun of their 'meetings' and 'orders'. She soon left the movement. I remember very well how we celebrated Tusya's 16th birthday. By that time she was treated by everyone as an adult. We were living at a 'dacha' in Dubulti near the sea. A new white dress with an embroidery on the front was made for me for the occasion. Tusya was wearing a new outfit and her braid was decorated by a wide black ribbon. There were lots of guests: a supper was prepared for our parents' guests while Tusya's friends were having a nice time in the garden. Father gave her a bicycle as a birthday present (which seemed to me quite a miracle). I was allowed to ride it and I did, succeeding to move well right away. On the next day I made even more progress in riding that bicycle and I could even turn it right or left. They used to say at home that Father "spoiled" Tusya. She was the only one of us whom Father gave pocket-money at the age of 15-16. She used to get new dresses more often than other children and she also got a new coat. Soon, when she was about 16, I found out that she was now a bride because she had a real fiance. All this happened while she was still at school. His name was Nyoma Gordon and he was much older than she was: he was 22. He used to come to our house quite a lot and when I was supposed to move to another school, he used to help me with my arithmetic. When Tusya was doing her final exams in the 'gimnasia' (the high-school), he wrote a German composition for her because her German was not too good (even though when she was little and still living in Libau it was her mother-tongue). While living in Russia she quickly forgot it. After graduating from the 'gimnasia' Tusya started her studies at the university, but soon left it for some reason. Her marriage to Nyoma turned into a "tragedy": at the age of 18 she decided that she did not love him and she told him that she will not marry him. I remember very well how Tusya was sitting at the table, with her hands covering her face and from time to time "drawing" something with her fingers on the tablecloth. I understood what was going on and I felt very much for her, so I came up from behind and kissed her on the head. She turned back very abruptly and said: "Go away!" She obviously did not have time for me then… For a long time Nyoma could not come to terms with her refusal and he used to come to our parents and talk to them for long hours. I remember one scene: Nyoma came to Father's "office", where an important meeting with Tusya was to take place in our parents' presence. The meeting was a stormy one and sitting in a different room I could only hear some unclear voices. Later on they said that "Nyoma stood on his knees" and pleaded with Tusya to become his wife. It was all futile and it was decided that Nyoma will go abroad. This is how Tusya's first fiance Nyoma Gordon disappeared from our lives. While I was writing and thinking about Nyoma Gordon I remembered that he used to write verses and sometimes even melodies to go with them. One of such songs written in German was dedicated to Tusya: Oh, Donna Mona Lisa Fur dich bluht nur der Lenz Von Padua bis Pisa, Von Parma bis Florenz… I was very proud that a song had been dedicated to Tusya and often used to recite the words in my mind. Nyoma Gordon was probably not a bad young man. He was always very attentive to all of us and was quite independent. I, however, did not like him much: I thought him old, slightly bold (or did it only seemed to me that he was?) and I considered him uninteresting and not very clever. Tusya had quite a lot of friends during that period. I shall write about some of them, about those who left some mark in my life. One of her "wards" (and she had quite a few of them) was Verochka Beloborodova. She was a pretty girl with enormous eyes, long eyelashes and long golden-red hair, slightly tinted. She used to paint her lips and color her eyelashes and to me she seemed "painted over". Verochka was very poor and maybe was even an orphan. Her private life did not work out very well and she used to come to us a lot, forever talking in whispers with Tusya, and sometimes staying overnight. Tusya used to say that "everything should be forgiven" to Verochka, at least for the fact that she was always dressed in an immaculately white blouse, the only one she had. She used to wash it daily, to starch it and iron it. Fanechka Gelina was a girl Tusya liked very much. She was younger than Tusya, a very slim girl with enormous dark doe-like eyes, a large mouth and large teeth. (Fanechka Gelina was the sister of Sonya Polotsk. ) Fanechka was an old friend. She died during the German occupation. Her husband, Kostya Kaplan, a conjurer, survived the war. The beautiful Fanya Levina was, I thought at the time, striking. It would be hard to describe her as she was when she about 16 when I first saw her. She had "English curls" and her eyes reminded one of black velvet. Her fate was rather stormy. I remember the following from Tusya's stories. Fanya was an orphan and she lived with her aunt where she did not have it easy. When she was 14, Mulya Levin fell "desperately" in love with her. He went off to Paris for two years and when he returned he proposed to Fanya, bought the wedding rings and they got married. The morning after the wedding, Tusya said, Fanya wanted to hang herself… Two years later she left Mulya. She lived with us for a while, sharing a room with Tusya, and then went back to her husband. She gave birth to a boy, Valik, left Mulya again and fell in love "desperately" with Misha Rashal, a handsome man with a mustache. (He never came to our house but I knew him. ) That was a long and complicated relationship. Then the war started and during her evacuation in Russia Fanya married an older man. I met her after the war, a very fat but still very good- looking woman, who sold ice-cream at the market. Later she made her living by sewing bras. At some stage Fanya had a plastic operation on her face (I saw her in some caffe after that). Shortly afterwards she suddenly died. People used to say that Fanya was the most beautiful woman in Riga in her time. Mulya Levin, her husband, must have loved her all his life, even though he later remarried and the couple had a very nice daughter. I remember Mulya well. He used to sing Vertinsky's songs rather well and since I heard him singing I got to like them very much. I met Mulya again after the war. Gera Segal took up a special place among Tusya's friends. He was a new friend. His sister was a Communist while Gera himself "played it secret": he wore a short beard, grew long hair, sometimes wore a "Russian shirt", said little and wore a secretive smile. He made a special impression on me because he used to treat me, a 15 years' old girl, like an adult. I remember once during the summer of 1929, we were living in Avoti, near the beach, and our whole family together with Gera went rowing. I found myself next to him and he silently took my hand and started telling me something very seriously. I was rather short, dressed like a kid and had braids and I found Gera's attention very pleasing. Tusya's "affair" with Gera ended strangely. I suddenly heard that he was planning to marry a rich woman from a provincial town who had a large dowry. I felt very sorry for Tusya. The wedding took place quite soon and I recall part of a conversation that took place between Tusya and Mother. It appeared that Gera had invited Tusya to his wedding and she was planning to attend it (in Kraslava or some such place). Mother tried to convince not to go. "It will be hard for you!"- she said. "Not at all!" – Tusya replied and went off. She and Gera remained friends… I met Gera again at the beginning of the war near the railway station in Yaroslavl. He was with his family. Later on he found himself in prison because of some misunderstanding. He suddenly reappeared after the 1950's. During the last years of his life he was paralyzed and could hardly walk. He did recognize me. He died a short time ago… I also remembered that many years later Tusya told me that Gera had not been "the real thing". Even though he was interesting company and she did like him, she understood even then that he would not be the husband she needed. Still, I think that Gera Segal took up a special place in Tusya's life, I am sure of that. Despite the fact that I was older that summer my life was very different from Tusya's life at that age. No-one treated me as a grown-up at that time even thought I was supposed to be 16 that September. Tusya also treated me like a child and we never spoke about our private lives. Soon, probably in 1931, Tusya moved to Brussels in Belgium, where she entered the university. We were supposed to send her 200 US dollars every month which was a considerable sum. Some time afterwards Father could not go on sending her this money anymore, but she did not want to go back and so she found work in Brussels. She wanted to find work as a seamstress and for a while she did work in a 'salon', but it was hard to make enough money that way. She therefore found a job as a governess, looking after children. We got some pictures of her taking children for a stroll. Only after Tusya's return home two years later she told us that she had to work not only as a governess or a nanny looking after a baby, but also as a maid and a kitchen help. I remember Tusya telling us how she served at the table in a maid's headdress and apron and how "Madame" used to boss her around. She was also expected to make clothes and knit for the children of that family. She did not have an easy life, but she did not want to come back home. The main reason for this was a great passionate love affair. Who was the man? He was a real true Spaniard and I even managed recently to recall his name: it was Bernardo. Tusya sent us some pictures of herself and Bernardo near some building with columns. He was much taller than she was and was a very good looking and elegant man. They later parted and Tusya came back to Riga. This was the period when she had endless talks with Mother "behind closed doors". I found out only a few details both from her and others. Bernardo came from an aristocratic Spanish family which practically lived in a castle. He wanted to marry Tusya and take her to Spain to his parents. However already in Brussels they quarreled a lot and had all sorts of disagreements. Bernardo was used to a "feudal" way of life, to the total subservience of a woman's life to a man's will and to other conventions which Tusya found not only alien but also unacceptable. She was a freedom-loving creature, did not abide by stupid conventions, she was simple in her ways, happy and independent. In addition, Bernardo and his family were strict Catholics and Tusya was obviously expected to convert to Catholicism and to get married in a church. She found all this unacceptable and this lead to their final break-up following which she came back to Riga. I remember all sorts of little things connected with her return. We all waited for her arrival with great impatience and were happy to see her. We did notice however, how thin she had become. Tusya was never fat but was a "well developed woman" and even though she was not much taller than I was she always seemed much heavier. And here suddenly she said: "You know, I think your 'sarafan' will just fit me!" True enough, she put it on and it almost fit her. She must have had a hard time in Brussels. Since her life in Brussels Tusya had kept one strong connection with it: her relations with Yvonne, our Yvonne, who became a sort of an aunt or a guardian to Lilya, a person with whom Lilya has been connected all her life. Yvonne became very attached to Tusya in Brussels and she promised that when Tusya will get married and have a child, she will come and visit her. This is exactly what happened. When Lilya was born, Yvonne came for a visit with a whole "dowry" for the little girl, stayed with us the whole summer, met with Abrasha Niss and came back a year later. She married Abrasha and remained in Latvia. Since she never had children Lilya became a sort of a daughter to her, both after the war and ever since. …Since her return to Riga Tusya joined some sort of a society where people who had lived in Belgium used to meet. This is where she met Pavlik Etinger. Very soon we understood that this was "serious". However, there was a major obstacle: his family and especially his father did not accept her. I heard only indirectly about the reasons for this and the main ones were as follows: firstly, Tusya had "fiances" in the past and, secondly, she had no dowry and was from an "ordinary family". Both the Pevzners (Pavlik's sister) and the Etingers (his father and another sister) considered themselves more "upper-class" than us. Tusya went on meeting with Pavlik and he used to come to our house, but she married him only after his father died… I hardly remember Tusya's wedding. I think there was no festive ceremony. They registered their marriage on the 1st of December 1933. She liked the date; she said that there were lots of alpine violets during that period and she always liked them very much. Since then I like them too, they remind me of Tusya. For a while Tusya and Pavlik lived in Skrunda where I once visited them. Tusya came back after Mother's death. Tusya had 2 rooms in our large apartment, one of
them was the baby's room. We were living then at No. 6 Mariinskaya
St. (where Dida is living now). Lilya started suffering very early
from a skin disease which caused her a lot of suffering for many
years. Her picture here shows some of the scabs and her hair
seems 'standing on end' because they had to put ointment on
her scalp. The place was always full of people. She loved to entertain, to have people over for coffee, to take care of people, etc. It could happen that a guest came to lunch and remained there until late at night and this was not just one guest but several ones. Everyone loved to stay at Tusya's, have coffee, talk and some guests also came to play cards with Pavlik… Tusya was a good cook and guests loved to eat at her place. She spent money easily, loved nice things, loved comfort and hated "petty-bourgeois" taste. She rearranged her hall where guests used to gather; she engaged an architect who measured the room and made drawings for light-weight, original and convenient furniture… At that time Tusya had a wonderful black velvet dress with a large decollete, a square one with silver buttons in the form of flowers in its four corners. She was always quick and energetic, everything around her moved and there was always lots of noise and laughter. At that time I was already an adult (I already had a two year-old child) and I sometimes came to visit Tusya too. Among the "usual" guests I remember Rusya Zolotonos (always very serious and rather silent), Monya Dembo, Abrasha Niss, Azya Polotsk, Lyova Romm and some other men. There were always fewer women. I remember Tusya always liked dark-blue coffee sets and I used to give her as presents little dishes for sweets and jam that went well with her sets. The table dishes always looked nice and original. Later, copying her, I tried to do the same, as much as I could. When I came to Tusya with Iren there was always noise and children's cries because Lilya refused to let Iren play with her dolls and did not let her touch her pram. It was quite an effort to make her calm down. (Yet later on Lilya became such a good-hearted and obedient child!) I used to dress up on my visits to Tusya: I had two "good" dresses, a navy one and another one in a brick color. Both of them were made by Tusya's seamstress and Tusya helped me to choose the design. I used to think at the time that all those who had met Tusya used to fall in love with her a little – or a lot – and this meant both men and women. She was not especially beautiful, she certainly was not a classic beauty, but she was, as it was said, "more than beautiful". She had a special kind of charm, she was captivating: eyes full of laughter, a full mouth, a naturalness of spirit, both in happiness and in anger. Even now all those who knew her say with a special dreamy feeling: "Yes, Tusya was absolutely charming!" She was special and she did attract people like a magnet. Tusya was not very interested in politics but she hated injustice and she did sympathize with the "leftists" on the quiet. When after her return from Belgium she worked at the fashion studio of Eva Markovna Opeshkina and learned that some of the seamstresses there were members of the political underground movement, she tried to help them. She collected things to be sent to political prisoners or was given things to hide from the police, etc. She mentioned this almost as a joke and never boasted; she was, in fact, the least "politically conscious" of all of us. During the last year before the war Tusya lived in Libau where Pavlik got a job at the "Tasmare" factory (which later became "Sarkanajs Metalurgs"). During the Soviet rule Tusya also went to work and worked as a librarian in some military institution. I never went to Libau to visit her. She came to Riga a couple of times and we met. She liked many things about the Soviets and some she did not. She was ordered to rent one of the rooms in her apartment to a woman lodger and so found herself living not in a private apartment but in a "communal" one. I found out about Tusya's fate afterwards from what other people told me. One of them was Z. Timenchik. Right before the war he was stationed in Libau and he visited Tusya there. On 22nd of June, the day the German army attacked the Soviet Union, he was ordered to go to Riga and a place was booked for him on the train. Tusya and Lilya came to see him off at the station and he offered Tusya and Lilya to come with him. He said he could secure places for them. Yet Tusya replied: "How will you yourself look at me later?" (What she meant was that she would be regarded a deserter; she was planning to participate in defending Libau together with its other residents…) At the very last moment, right before the train started to move, Tusya raised Lilya to the window, handed her over to Timenchik and asked him to take Lilya to the Pevzners. This is how Lilya was saved and she was later evacuated together with the Pevzners, Pavlik's sister's family.
Kostya Kaplan,who survived the ghetto, told me what happened afterwards. When Lilya was already an adult she came to Libau. She found her parents' old address on some postcard and went to see their former apartment. She recognized everything even though she was hardly 5 years' old when she left… When I met Lilya after the war she was 9 years' old. She very quickly started calling me "Mummy" and she still calls me that. She was always small and thin and has remained that way even now. She will always be as close and as dear to me as she had been as a child. I have added here the picture of "little Tusya" because in my old album the pictures of "big Tusya", Lilya and "little Tusya" were one the same page. Lilya and "little Tusya" don't look alike at all, but I do see something about their faces that shows a connection between them.
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.JPG)
Tusya
was born on the 12th of July 1909. She would have been 62 now. In
this picture she must be about 2. Her real name was Judith (or Yudif'
in its Russian version). For a long time I did not know why she
was called Tusya. One version was that little Benno used to call
her that. I received this picture a relatively short time ago and
it was written "Yusen'ka" on the back of it. I assume
that Yudif' became Yusia or Yusen'ka and this became Tusen'ka. When
Tusya was an adult she acknowledged only this name and said that
Yudif' always felt strange to her. Even when being called in Russian
by her first name and her father's name, she was called Tusya L'vovna
and not Yudif' Lvovna. "Big Lilya" has the original picture
now. .JPG)
This
picture shows Tusya in the summer of 1930. It was a picture
of Tusya with friends taken by Yoka in our 'dacha' in Mayori…It
was enlarged after the war. Here Tusya is 21 and she is wearing
her very pretty dressing-gown. I was very busy with my own affairs
that summer and I remember very little of what Tusya was doing. However, one episode stayed in my memory. The affair between Fanya
Levina and Misha Rashal was at its peak during that summer. There
must have been a quarrel. Fanya often came to us and one day she
and Tusya called me in, with Fanya asking me for a "great favor". She wanted me to deliver a note to Misha Rashal. They must have
thought that I did not understand what was going on, but I did. I ran off quickly to the other end of Mayori and brought back a
reply. Even thought I did not know the content of these notes, I
could guess that something was not working out in Fanya's relationship
with Rashal. .JPG)
She
wanted very much to have a baby. She gave birth to Lilya exactly
one year after Mother's death, on the 6th of August 1936. She gave
birth in Dubinsky's clinic and was very happy when she brought her
little girl home. Here Lilya is probably 6 weeks old. .JPG)
She
lived in a world of her own and she had her own demands and expectations
from those around her. In this picture Tusya is seen with Lilya
and Iren in Mezhapark,a park near Riga, where they went for
a stroll. Photographs never did Tusya justice, she never came out
in them the way she looked in real life. I suppose that happened
because she had a very expressive face which changed quickly and
it was hard to catch the warmness of her expression or the glint
in her eyes, her very special smile. It seems she knew that she
did not come out well and she did not like to have her picture taken. Even then, I think, I did not have a single picture of her. .JPG)
In autumn Tusya walked from Libau to Riga and came to the Pevzners'
apartment (they went on living there after the war, at No. 7 Lachplesha
St. , before they moved to Israel in 1973). She saw that they were
evacuated to Russia and was very happy to learn that Lilya was there
with them. Tusya soon found herself in the ghetto and she perished
in the first "akzia" somewhere in November. 